Let's see what's been up on crowdfunding sites in the past couple of months... Oh god. Oh my god.

Sometimes, the gods/goddesses/g*(various other genders) of the internet looks down upon you and smile, and apparently that's what they're doing today, 'cause hoooo boy do we got some campaigns. I just. Wow.

Starting with least interesting/already finished and progressing in WTFness.

The Lovense Hush Plug


528% (US$76859 raised / US$20000 needed) - Campaign Over

Ok, posting this not because it's new, but because it just actually shipped and backers have started receiving their hardware. They're still $59 if you buy from Indiegogo, so get on that! Remember, if you're interested in controlling it with your own code, check out the liblovense library.

Hex Condom by Lelo


1982% (US$237851 raised / US$12000 needed) - Campaign Over

Charlie Sheen? Fucking really? Lux Alptraum even pulled her support for the condom over their weird PR choices and lackluster initial reviews.

Remoji Sex Toys


1229% (US$129804 raised / US$10000 needed) - Campaign Over

Eh. Toys seem kinda uninspired, and the PR is just fucking WEIRD. "Make public sex legal!". It's kind of a combination of skeezy and porn parody that just doesn't seem like it works. Lux Alptraum included them in her article on why phone apps are a horrible idea, which I highly recommend checking out. That said, $129000 (which isn't actually all that much) says at least some people think it'll turn out ok, so we'll see what happens when they ship.

The Rabbitow


0% (US$0 raised / US$10000 needed) - 30 days (?) left

Your standard onahole, with heating element. Nothing Tenga hasn't done before. However, this image is worthy of a toy that would show up on Kanojo Toys:


Yeah. Um. Why is the onahole her whole digestive tract. WHY. EW.

Complete Oral Pleasure Sex Toy

Oral Pleasure Toy

0% (US$0 raised / US$50000 needed)

There's no pictures of what they're producing, just description of a toy that acts like a tongue. There's a lot of those. I'm posting this because of their opening image mostly, which is just... WTF.

Sir Frots-A-Lot Dual Onahole

0% (US$58 raised / US$64000 needed)

So Sir-Frots-A-Lot is ostensibly a good idea. It's a dual onahole for pokey-thing/pokey-thing interaction. Made for two guys, but hey, you could totally stick two Ambrosia toys in there and go to town, so who knows. Has some interesting points about safe sex uses. But the marketing. Christ, the marketing. I understand swordplay and all that, but really?


That said, the fact that they're using diverse (in so many senses of the word) fantasy art on their site is a surprisingly bold move.

I honestly feel like this could be a really interesting product if it had better marketing behind it. Ah well.

The Tight-O-Meter


0% (US$20 raised / US$150000 needed)

Is it like a thing now to get drunk and make crowdfunding campaigns? I mean, I'm totally down with it if it is, it makes writing this post so much easier. But my god, this one's a doozy. It's a "toy" that measures how tight you are and gives you a score. They aren't stopped there though!

"The Tight-O-Meter branding (T-O-M) will rely on various accesories to hit the market and to be a worldwide success. T-shirts (the 1k club;[ your ex..data, your next..data]; my gf is 850, T-O-M entertainment for adults, T-O-M Æ For those who knows <--- mistake voluntary), headbands, wristbands (600 blue;700 green;800 orange;900 silver;1000 gold), lubricants, cleaning wipes, etc."


"One day every pornstars, will have their own score. This way you
could have a realistic idea of the tightness of your favorite

In the future, everyone will be requires to have their tightness score on their government issued ID. Societal castes will be set based on tightness.

Never stop dreaming, Tight-O-Meter Dude. And yes, I'm guessing you're a dude but I'm pretty sure I'm right.